The "I" in Artist

The past couple weeks with Artful Success learning about the various hats or mind sets needed to get things done and facing the mental resistance to the fact that something has to be let go of, has finally made me see that the way I view myself could use some adjustment.

I cannot take the "I" out of being an Artist and am finally at a point where I realize this and it has to be ok with me. There is a difference between taking yourself seriously as a business, being too serious about life, and just being down right critical. I'm failing at trying to fail, and need to stop trying to see myself as a failure that will let everyone and myself down.  No matter how much I worry about letting all the wonderful people down that encourage, nudge me along, and just plain kick my a*s into gear, it is up to me to take action so I don't go crazy beating myself up. Or making myself more crazy. It does hurt more than me, and I truly don't want that. 

Ignore the chatter that questions this!
Just Accept it.
And keep moving.

It is deadline time again and I've still got major avoidance issues when it comes to actually sitting down and working without worrying about the outcome. Things usually turn out better than I think and if I have fun making something, other people usually have fun with it too.  I do need to schedule more time for getting lost and figuring things out though.

Someone once said they see me as a little mad scientist making things in my garage.

Finally, presenting myself with confidence and some sense of style?

 Well, I've been assured a hat helps with that too.

Reflection & Re-commitment

Selection of pieces from figurative sculpture class projects.
Ceramic clay
Michelle Loon
2012

Collage created  on http://bighugelabs.com/

Sunday, precipice of and old week and beginning of a new one.  Reminders that figurative sculpture class and Artful Success are nearing their official ends has been bittersweet this week. They both have enabled me to challenge myself and given me confidence personally with self awareness and technically as an artist more than I have ever imagined.  For sculpture class, seeing completed class assignments together really has struck me on how much I definitely love sculpting while working with ceramic clay has challenged me to work larger and build fearlessly. Of all the tools that have been shared with us through Artful Success, the most challenging and helpful ones are the least tangible. Seeing the difference between mentally knowing and actually taking the little action steps to shift my mindset to a more positive place; and the importance of breaking down goals to microscopic steps to prevent a constant cycle of overwhelm has been invaluable.

Recently I've mentally been stuck trying to define and explain the inspiration behind the pieces I have made for an artist's statement. I realized there is a disconnect to the pieces I have made and where I want to go as artist.  Instead of trying to define the things I have made (things to amuse myself or explore a technique to teach) - use what I have put together as an artist's statement as a guide to make new pieces that will fit better with things that I want to make. Impatient as I still get to immediately try changing everything once the switch is found for the light bulb in my head, this is just another push to re-commit myself to making time to take action in my pursuit of full time art-dom.

Defining passion

Killer Instinct - Humming bird with human eyes and skeletal hands.
Ceramic clay.
Michelle Loon, 2012

Killer Instinct - Humming bird with human eyes and skeletal hands.
Ceramic clay.
Michelle Loon, 2012

This week my goal had been to distill the seemingly random things that make me tick and fuel the adventurous part of my soul into a concise Passion statement.  During figurative sculpture class, I had a deja-epiphany (the kind where the Aha! moment makes sense, forget the details of the moment, then it pops up again ages later).  All the hobbies or classes I pursue are justification to explore and can be related back to something I have wanted to try in metal clay.  In the figurative sculpture class, the medium we are working in is ceramic clay, which is vaguely familiar yet completely new to me.  I love learning the technical aspects of sculpting realistic figures though as seen with "Killer Instinct," the more creative license I get, the more things end up having some kind of an imaginative twist. The process of creating things is very seductive to my imagination, and sculpting is my way of creating my own reality that can be shared with others.

My passion is to create expressions of motion and emotion through whimsical, wearable art. 

How do you feed your adventurous soul?

Thursday Thoughts: All is One and One is All

Tree of Life bracelet, front
Fine silver with copper and sterling silver chain
Michelle Loon, 2012

This week I finished a Tree of Life bracelet. The friend who requested it for her boyfriend wanted it to have elements that reflected both of their personalities and would fit with the macramé jewelry he makes. He is an earthy type of person and likes the symbolism of the Tree of Life while the swirly branches reflect her aesthetic and spirited personality. On the back, the inscription reads “All is one and one is all.”

Tree of Life bracelet, back
Fine silver with copper and sterling silver chain
Michelle Loon, 2012

The bracelet’s inscription reminded me of the quote Tonya shared with us a quote by Derek Sivers during Artful Success, “how you do anything is how you do everything.” Over the past few weeks, I’ve been battling La Resistance in my head as far as continuing to change my mindset and it took an open clash of wills with my family to really understand what that means for me. I can’t just focus on changing the way I approach art or business. I must cling for dear life to the belief that I can let go of past choices and will not abandon anyone by not meeting other people’s expectations. It is still easy to withdraw into depression mode, but I can’t ignore the fact that really good things are going on around me anymore.

Parents will always worry because they care, and want me to be happy. It will take adjustment for me and my family to retrain ourselves and accept that no matter what I am working on or stumbling over at the moment, I am already a successful artist who wants to continue to push my artistic boundaries and find my niche within the community.

My accountability buddy Stephanie has been encouraging as she has gone through a similar situation with her son. She shared a quote with me from Chariots of Fire (hey, I have actually seen that movie!) and said to put it in an art context: “I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.”

Yep, that about sums it up!

Thursday Thoughts: Being Human

There's nothing to be scared of, you can only fall as high as you can climb up! 

- Advice to new aerial students with a fear of heights.

I was so excited to keep moving forward with the newest Artful Success module this week but over the past few days I have fallen into the rut of beating myself up over things not done, fighting to figure out where my thinking went wrong, and second guessing myself to the point where I would not commit to anything for the next day either.  How is torturing myself, and inadvertently others around me, progress? Some feedback from friends of how I've changed over the past couple weeks: Happier, a bit more productive, excited about projects, and focused on my metal clay future. These, of course, are all good things but quantitatively they are harder to measure.

I still haven't quite figured out how to turn off the sly commentary in my head before it turns into an avalanche, but something clicked today. Hitting this low allowed me to see how much I have learned from this program and that there is an analogy to my aerial exercises. In silks or pole, everyone starts learning to climb on the ground and every time you do it you are able to go up a bit further. As stamina increases, you're able to hold your own weight longer. Whether it is in a controlled, graceful drop or an accidental tumble, you're at the bottom again and need to go back up for the next trick. Following through with a motion is important visually, but plans literally can be changed in the air without anyone being the wiser. Now I know if I can't avoid a drop, at least I can gracefully control my descent.

Finally, for a bit of lighthearted pole dancing (something that I also dabble in) humor on perspective, check out my friend Leen Isabel's webcomic post: The floor is closer than it appears.

Thursday Thoughts: An Aha! moment

Work in Progress

This semester I'm enjoying taking a figurative sculpture class at a local community college.  Our latest project involves interaction of hands in ceramic clay. At one point our professor demoed how to make fingernails by pressing and almost flicking away clay with the edge of a flexible potter's rib to create the nail bed. I admit I cringed every time I saw a piece of clay go flying thinking about what if I did that while working with metal clay. After watching me attempt to create nails with the rib, he said, "why don't you use the needle tool?" D'oh, of course!  In general I've tried to stick to the techniques we're using in class as maybe there will be something new I can take home with me. In this case I went home wondering about what kind of "bad" clay habits I've acquired without realizing it or so far haven't questioned.

With the little bit of clarity from sculpture class, I'm more motivated to keep cleaning my work area and figure out my optimum table set up. The new start for the next batch of projects is my fuel to start experimenting as I know there are other opportunities that will pop up before the next deadline too.

Other than that, my sculpture now has a pretty good manicure if I don't say so myself!

Published Project!

I am excited to receive the newest issue of Metal Clay Artist Magazine this weekend as it has one of my projects published inside! Kind of surreal, but in a nice way. 

Bird's Nest Bezel Bracelet
Michelle Loon, 2011

Going through the editing process with Margaret Schindel was really enjoyable and I've learned a lot about how my regular class instructions could improve too.

Thank you to Jeannette LeBlanc, Margaret Schindel and rest of the MCAM team for all the work they put into each magazine!